I would like to let people know why I smoke marijuana. Many of you will be able to identify with my experience and some may not. As far as I can remember, I have been depressed. I have always felt depression’s shadow looming over me, and if I had a good day, or two good days in a row, I would often feel anxious as to when the depression would hit me again. For those of you who know, depression kills you. It takes control of your life. I got to the point where almost every waking moment I would feel hopeless, and even though sometimes I had a smile on my face, I was enveloped in darkness. I started to use marijuana recreationally at the age of 22. I knew a girl who smoked it and I wanted to try. In the beginning I was amazed at how I would feel.
That same summer, I had a really bad experience with someone and I felt depressed and hopeless. This incident drained me emotionally and I didn’t know how to cope. My depression (like a cancer) grew. I smoked a joint not knowing what it would do for me in terms of my depression, because prior to this I had only used marijuana recreationally and often at times when I was feeling fine. When I got “high”, I felt that there was hope for me. Marijuana put the events of my life into perspective. And I had an epiphany: “What’s meant to happen will and I need to relax”. For some of you, that doesn’t constitute a breakthrough. But for those individuals who know what depression is, you will know that many times you feel there is no hope. To live life without hope is really sad.
Marijuana helps me put things in perspective. It helps me cope on a daily level. It allows me to function. When I am high, I am very productive, task-oriented and get my stuff done. It has helped me emotionally as it helps me deal with my own thoughts and feelings much better than I would if I weren’t smoking. Marijuana has also helped me on a spiritual level. I am able to see the beauty of the world around me when I am high. For those who are depressed, you know that it’s hard to see beauty around you when you have the dark cloud of depression following you. I have had some very sublime experiences when I am high. I use marijuana as a way to self-medicate.