6 Popular Sexual Fantasies (And a Few That Aren’t)
Most people have very similar fantasies — they just don’t share them
Ash Jurberg Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash
What’s your sexual fantasy?
Have you ever asked someone that question?
A partner, a friend with benefits, or even a mate? It seems that some people are embarrassed to either ask or answer this question — which is a shame. For some reason, people tend to clam up on this topic.
One thing that may make people discuss this topic more would be to know that many people share the same sexual fantasies. You aren’t a freak for wanting to be spanked, have sex in public, or watch your partner with another person. In fact, you are part of the majority.
As I researched this story, I found a pattern from reading articles online to asking friends and colleagues. The same sexual fantasies are repeated. This is backed up by many studies and surveys conducted on sexual fantasies.
Side note — is it just me who thinks the sexual fantasy of people who compile surveys is to ask people about their sexual fantasies?
An interesting study was published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. It asked participants 55 questions relating to fantasies and then classified them into three categories: typical, unusual, and rare.
The study found a few differences in the way men and women fantasize. Results showed that “men have more fantasies and describe them more vividly than women.” Women, however, are better at differentiating between fantasy and desire. This means that many women who have extreme fantasies specify they don’t actually want the fantasies to become true, whereas men would really love to bring their fantasies to life.
With that in mind, let’s look at the typical fantasies before we get a little freaky and look at the unusual and rare.
1. Fifty shades of fantasy
Both men and women want their sexual partners to take control. This can range from being under the control of a dominatrix to having a confidant partner who knows what they want in bed.
Laura Berman, Ph.D., a sex expert says, “It can be tiresome to always feel like the pursuer. Feeling pursued can be a very sexy change, and it can also be a huge ego boost,” she says.
Social psychologist Justin Lehmiller surveyed 4,000 Americans and found 93% of women and 81% of men had fantasized about being sexually dominated. On the flip side, he found that 85% of men and 76% of women had fantasized about being sexually dominant.
The study found that up to 60% of women would like to be tied up, spanked, or forced to have sex.
There is a reason Rihanna sang that whips and chains excite her!
2. The more, the merrier
When I asked any of my male heterosexual friends what their number one fantasy was, 100% of them told me a threesome involving two women. If this were a Family Feud question, the survey would show only one answer.
This was hardly surprising as it seems to top most men’s sexual desires list, and studies confirm this.
A 2017 study found 64% of participants had some interest in multi-partner sex. Interestingly while men and women are both interested in threesomes, what they want from their menage a trois is different.
A British study found that men fantasize about sex with multiple people and with anonymous partners. However, women’s fantasies were more likely to include same-sex partners and famous people.
So men — if you want to fulfill your desire of a threesome with your female partner, then perhaps you need to get a celebrity involved.
My first threesome experience was not how I imagined and definitely wouldn’t feature in any studies!
3. I like to watch
Lehmiller’s study found that 60% of people fantasized about voyeurism — watching people have sex without their knowledge. Another study found that 43.5 percent had actually done it.
In addition to watching people without their knowledge, this fantasy could also include watching their partner pleasure another person’s fantasies while they masturbate.
Psychologists believe that watching your partner be with someone else gives a person reassurance that their partner is attractive and that it confirms they have made the right choice in partner.
4. Public displays of affection
OK, when you think of a public display of affection (PDA), you might think of a couple holding hands or having a quick kiss.
But this is a sex article, so we all want a bit more from a PDA, so this means it involves sex. Our good friend, Mr. Lehmiller, found that a whopping 81 percent of men and 84 percent of women have “experienced sexual arousal at the thought of public sex.”
Yep, just the thought of having sex in public is enough to get people’s juices flowing.
Public sex combines a few elements that up the arousal factor—the idea of exhibitionism combined with the potential for getting caught ramps up the sexual excitement.
This fantasy can encompass a wide range of sexual activities, from sex in a public place to sneaking off into a room for a quickie at someone’s house. It could also involve being nude or engaging in activity in front of a window where people might see. Who hasn’t had sex in a hotel room in front of a window, secretly hoping someone can see?
For Americans ready to make this fantasy happen, it is important to know that sex acts in public are illegal in all 50 states.
Maybe that adds more to the excitement?
5. Mills & Boon
It may be seen as vanilla, but we all just want to be romanced and loved.
I was amazed to find out the number one sexual fantasy for all respondents involved in fantasizing about the person’s current partner. 91% of straight men, 88% of straight women, and 87% of gay and bisexual men and women wanted romantic sex with their partner.
Yes, we are all romantics at heart.
Generally, this involved long and passionate sessions that focused on the entire sexual experience.
6. Gender bender
As sexual fluidity has become far more accepted, people are more comfortable exploring their own sexuality, and flexibility fantasies are becoming more common.
59% of women who identify as heterosexual commonly fantasize about sex with other women. In comparison, 26% of heterosexual-identifying men admitted they fantasize about sex with other men or with a transgender woman.
The rare and unusual
I’m sure that you have several, if not all, of those fantasies on your sexual bucket list. But if everyone had the exact same fantasies, the world would be a boring place. So we need a bit of variety.
So, it’s time to look at the rare and the unusual.
The Journal of Sexual Medicine survey defined rare as less than 2.3% of people reported it as a fantasy. Unusual was 15.9% or less reported interest in a particular sexual fantasy.
Sex with a prostitute
Sex with an intoxicated person — this sums up most of my college sexual experiences.
Having someone urinate on them — aka the golden shower. This is different from the alleged pee tape involving former President Donald Trump, who watched women pee but not on him. Again allegedly.
Sex with an animal. I find it very, very disturbing that 3% of people had this as their fantasy. While it doesn’t mean they would act on this, it still makes me shudder.
I really wish I hadn’t delved into the rare.
Anyway, moving on — now you have read this, I want to ask you one question.
Will, you now ask your sexual partner what their sexual fantasy is and then explore it together with them. Because as I have said before in previous articles, the most crucial thing in a sexual relationship is communication. If we can be more open about our sexual fantasies, the world will be a better place.
Tick at least one of your sexual fantasies off your sexual bucket list, and my goal as a writer has been achieved.