“Whenever I tell men that I rarely cum, they immediately stop putting any effort in. No foreplay, no nothing. It’s like I just become a sex doll. It really bothers me. Even if I don’t get off I still enjoy it!” — Unknown
According to a study published in the Journal of Sex Research, men and women experienced more pleasurable orgasms if there was a buildup of arousal and desire beforehand. Besides increased pleasure, foreplay is especially important for women as it readies the body for sex, consequently leading to a more pleasurable sexual experience. Skipping foreplay is a mistake best avoided.
“For me, not reciprocating head makes you an instant bad lay.” — tonyorlandoshouse0
Nothing is worse than a selfish lover. All they do is take, take and take some more. Having sex with this type of guy will always leave you with the female equivalent of blue balls.
It shouldn’t need to be said, but sadly, it does. Fellas, remember sharing is caring. Reciprocity is a must if you want to leave your partner feeling sexually satisfied.
“Pushiness. If someone isn’t interested in doing a particular sex act, stop fucking asking. No means no. Entitlement is so gross.” — jewelrider
Nothing grinds my gears more than people who pressure other people into doing a sexual act that makes them uncomfortable. Sexual coercion is almost always a red flag in any relationship. If someone doesn’t want to partake in your kink or anything sexual for that matter, it’s best to respect their decision.
If whatever you desire sexually is that important for you, then perhaps a serious talk about sexual compatibility is in order. Ultimately, it’s better to find the right person who matches your sexual desires than to remain in a relationship where your sexual needs go unmet.
“Assuming their partner wants to be treated like they are replicating pornography without asking or communicating.” — jewelrider
Learning about sex from watching porn is akin to learning what it takes to be a driver by watching fast and furious.
Porn doesn’t represent real-world lovemaking. What you see on screen is a fantasy. It’s two or more actors performing exaggerated acts designed to give the illusion of passion and desire. What looks good on camera doesn’t necessarily translate into what feels good in the real world.
Imitating what you see in porn often leads to uncomfortable sex for your partner or, worse still, disconnected performance-oriented sex.
“Lasting forever and not cumming.” — ThePinkPanther2
You would think lasting longer in bed would be a good thing. Considering men who lack the stamina to last longer in bed are often subject to mockery and ridicule. However, the law of diminishing returns still applies even in the bedroom. Excluding foreplay, the act of sex will feel good up to a certain point, after which soreness and possibly boredom set in.
The ideal duration of sex varies from person to person, but a survey conducted by saucydates.com found women on average preferred their bonk session to last 25 minutes and 51 seconds.
“Pounding or jackhammering for as long as possible without any other stimulation and thinking that will make a girl come.” — Windiigo
Maybe some guys didn’t get the memo, but jackhammers belong in the toolshed and not the bedroom. For those of us who are uninitiated, jackhammer or jackrabbit sex is when a person with a penis pounds the living hell out of a woman in rapid succession. It’s often not pleasurable for women, especially if the guy in question is well-endowed since each thrust he makes hits the cervix.
Now there might be certain times where some women might enjoy this style of sex. Nonetheless, it should not be the only trick in your sexual repertoire. Variety is the spice of life. More often than not, slow and steady wins the race.
“Using techniques from porn like spitting on your dick and thinking that is enough as lube.” — Windiigo
Using spit as a sexual lubricant is a common mistake many people make, and I can see why. Superficially speaking, spit feels like it would make for good natural lube since it’s wet and somewhat slippery. But according to most experts, using spit as lube is ill-advised.
Saliva is less slippery and dries out faster compared to off-the-counter lube. It can also upset the vaginal microbiome and lead to yeast infection or bacterial vaginosis.
“Skipping before and after snuggles. Like, no dick is the greatest thing ever. Skipping the snuggles is just unacceptable. It’s the best part sometimes.” — ThePinkPanther2
I’m sorry to say this, but when it comes to sex, a lot of men are downright daft. They complain incessantly about how women hate sex and how eventually women lose interest in sex, all the while they are the ones who roll over and fall asleep soon after climaxing. They couldn’t care less to engage in after sex care; heck, some don’t even care if their partner is satisfied. So it puzzles me why they think their partner should always be lusting after them.
Sex for women and some men is more than just a physical act. There are a lot of emotions involved before, during, and after the act. It’s for this reason engaging in cuddles, kisses, and other forms of non-sexual intimacy, especially soon after sex, is crucial. Doing this will strengthen the bond between you and your partner and reinforce positive emotions she will associate with sex.
“Bad hygiene. I’m big on smell. If you stink there’s a 100% chance I will NOT be in the mood.” — ImTheShizzniyee
Personally, I would be embarrassed if I didn’t take a shower before sex. I feel a little self-care before letting someone get that close to you is just common courtesy. Nobody wants to kiss someone with bad breath or go down on someone with foul body odor. And it doesn’t matter if I have known my partner for one day or ten years, practicing good hygiene habits should always be a must.
“Putting too much emphasis on orgasm as an end goal.” — phoenicishawk
Most people would agree, selfish partners who only care about their orgasms make for a bad lay. However, it’s entirely possible to be the opposite of selfish and still achieve the same results. Putting too much emphasis on making your partner achieve an orgasm can put them under immense pressure.
Orgasms and pressure are like water and oil, they don’t mix. Is it any wonder why so many women end up faking it just to get their men to shut up? Orgasms, while nice, do not define whether sex is good or bad. It’s perfectly valid for people to enjoy sex absent of one.
“My experience is that very few guys are skilled at oral sex or do it often.” — ghoulishgirl
Did you know men are twice as likely to receive oral sex from their partner compared to women?
In a US study of 806 participants, researchers discovered a quarter of women had given but not received oral sex, while ten percent of men mirrored the same situation. And this disparity was not because one group liked oral sex more than the other. When asked, both men and women agreed that oral sex was important.
So what explains this disparity?
I suspect one of the reasons is due to blowjobs being more socially acceptable. In that, it’s promoted more in media, specifically within the adult entertainment industry. It’s no secret that most people’s first exposure to sex is through porn. Their experiences during their formative years shape their perceptions and attitudes towards sex. Receiving a blowjob becomes the expectation because that’s the most common form of oral sex they see.
I don’t believe every man should be performing oral sex on their partner if that’s not what they enjoy. Even so, men should also respect the wishes of women who do not want to go down on them.