Because getting into it doesn’t have to be scary.
So, you’ve heard of BDSM and now you want to try it, but you might not know where to start.
Perhaps your first introduction to BDSM was with Fifty Shades of Grey, which I can tell you is well out of the realm of any normal, healthy relationship, so throw that idea into the trash (like where that book belongs) and let’s look at it from a real word perspective.
Bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, and sadomasochism…they can sound like scary things if you’ve never done them before but it doesn’t have to start out scary if you take things slow and do it at your own pace.
Research and communicate.
Before getting into anything new in the bedroom it’s best to do a little bit of research.
Read some erotica or articles about BDSM, watch some porn perhaps, and then, of course, talk to your partner about it.
You are going to want to be on the same page when it comes to what you want to do and what your boundaries are, and most of us definitely have some hard boundaries when it comes to BDSM, especially when it comes to the potential pain aspect of it.
So don’t forget to have a talk before you start spanking or bring out the handcuffs.
Discipline, Dominance, and Submission.
When dipping your toes into BDSM, this is the best place to start in my opinion.
There are so many ways to incorporate these three things into sex, and if you’re in any way kinky, you’re going to like these things.
One thing you can try is wearing a blindfold during sex, and letting your partner explore your body without you being able to see what they’re doing or where they’re heading next.
In that way you will be submissive, you will be letting your partner take control of the situation in a way that doesn’t even have to involve being tied up, see?
Another way to give up and give in to your submission is to allow your partner to dominate you into withholding orgasm for an extended period of time.
Getting you all riled up and to the brink of cumming before toning things down and stepping back will drive your partner crazy, and having that sort of control in your hands feels really damn good, too.
These are easy and relatively tame ways to get into dominance and submission, and really, do they sound so scary?
Bondage made easy.
Maybe now you want to try bondage but you aren’t ready for the full on under the bed restraint system or even like the idea of being cuffed to the bed, you can still try it relatively easily.
Take a soft scarf or even a tie, and secure it in a loose bow on your partner’s wrists above their head.
This won’t cause them any pain but will still get them restrained and bound in some way to introduce them to the sensations.
To have your hands (or legs) bound during sex can be a very intense experience.
You are completely submitting to your partner and letting them have their way with your body, and it brings on an exquisite frustration that also feels incredible erotic.
Bondage doesn’t have to be painful…unless you want it to be.
The thing about sadomasochism.
If you identify as a sadist, you may enjoy inflicting pain on your partner, and masochists generally are the ones who like receiving the pain.
However, for some people these things can overlap and you can be into a little of both… but again, it doesn’t have to be scary or even that painful to get the idea and have the experience.
I always recommend starting with a good, playful spanking.
Incorporate some dirty talk into your sex session — tell your partner how naughty they are and that they need to be punished for it.
Bend your partner over your knee or lay them out on their stomach, starting with light, gentle strokes to their backside and then adding in little light slaps that get harder and harder as long as your partner is responding to it well.
This could just be playful roleplaying or it could morph into something more serious depending on the mood and whether your partner likes it, but it’s when getting into things like this that you really have to listen to and communicate with your partner about what they want and what their limits are.
For some people (ahem, me) a little pain is a good thing in sex — some spanking, some hair pulling, some nipple biting, even the occasional smack to the pussy is welcome if I’m in the mood — but you have to be in the mood, and for that, again, you have to communicate.