What do you think when you hear words like Miso, Emperor, or Kale? Well, I guess we’re all thinking the same. But what if I tell you this is how parents name their kids? And celebrities are notorious for that—just think of X Æ A-12, the baby of Elon Musk and Grimes, Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple, and Suri, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’s daughter. And it gets even weirder than that.
So today, we’re diving into a notorious collection of the weirdest, most unfortunate, hilarious names people have heard. It will make us question the role names have in our lives, and make us wonder if they should maybe be taken a little more seriously.
After all, the world is already cruel enough, and if there’s a name tag “Ana L.” on a guest card, it may as well be given a chance to show its nasty side. So, hey parents, yes, we’re looking at you, please tell us, what on earth were you thinking on that day?
The name, whatever it’d be, is really up to parents to decide. I mean, it would all be so much scarier if the kids could name themselves at the age they’re smart enough to decide. But since people can’t walk around with numbers as if it was some twisted Squid Game-like scenario, they have to be called something.
But little do people who have never been in such a position know, naming babies is harder than one might think. The one at the top of your list could get an automatic veto from your partner. And deciding to share your choice with your friend may lead to strong opinions you weren’t expecting. And if after all the sleepless nights, you come up with a combination, you come to realize that the initials are the last thing you want for the kid.
So how do you pick a name that will stand the test of time and the judgment of others? First off, you should get ready for the fact that the first name idea may not be the one. Ask yourself if this moniker will sound good, or rather, completely ridiculous in 10 years. Will other kids be able to shout that name out loud in a school yard? And will the child be condemned for explaining their name to every stranger they meet?
Avoiding passing trends when naming a kid is a great idea. Names to avoid include things like misspelled names (think Jakxsen and Rybekkah), random punctuation that serves no purpose (Prin’cess and D’Lilah), pop-culture references (Khaleesi and Katniss), word names with a strange spelling twist (Diezel and Spontaniouse), and out-there hipster names (Amadeus and McCoy).