Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side.
We’re biologically wired to partner up. Yet this generation has more singles than they’ve ever been. One might think this is a curse or a stroke of bad luck, but it’s far from that.
My local barista once said
Don’t blend into a rhinestone world when you can shine bright like a diamond.
Here are five reasons why more people are choosing to remain single.
#1. Dating apps are nightmares
Remember when people could go about their day and love would find them at the corner…yeah I miss those times. Today, love rarely happens that way Cupid has retired.
We don’t look to fate anymore, we use dating apps. We look up to the almighty algorithm that promises to match us with the most compatible partner.
In theory, it’s supposed to be fun …but it sucks!
Dating apps are boring, repetitive, and time-consuming. Even if we do endure the pay-off is never worth it.
Imagine spending hours, days, and weeks talking to someone upon meeting, and you’re presented with a jerk who just wants to fuck your boobs. That legit happened to me.
I was seated there wondering what happened to prince charming, who wooed me over text. And helped solve my coding issue?
Before you ask, no, I wasn’t showing any skin, hell, it was winter, and I was dressed like a polar bear in my white fur coat. Who knows maybe he had a polar bear fetish.
The point is that most people get onto dating apps feeling hopeful and excited, then leave feeling more broken than when we started!
There’s a lot of rejection, ghosting, disappointment, and toxic individuals. You need thick skin. Honestly, the average person can’t handle it.
#2. The heart needs time to heal
No one expects to one day break up with their beloved. We assume the love will last forever. So when things don’t work out. Emotional pain feels like a literal heartbreak.
In the 2000s we were taught to move on, not to dwell on it and jump into the next relationship. After all tears and grief were for woes.
For some time, this advice provided relief, but it wasn’t the solution. The unhealed wounds became emotional baggage which we dragged on to the next relationships.
We know better now!
We know not to put a band-aid on our pain and instead nurse it with care. We grieve and give the processing time. It may take weeks, months, or even years. The timeline depends on the severity of the trauma and the person’s willingness and capability to process it.
Let people deal with their pain so that they can cultivate a healthier relationship with the next person.
#3. Sex doesn’t cut it anymore
Decades ago people got into relationships to have sex. But today, sex is so causal that “waiting to have sex” seems like an alien concept.
Porn is just a click away; hook-up apps are a swipe away. We have Friends with benefits that are eager to quench lustful urges. There are toys, dildos, vibrators readily available for us to experiment and explore. . There are now AI dolls designed to make our wildest fantasies come true.
The availability of sex and pleasure has steered us to connect intellectually and mentally rather than physically.
It’s liberating!
Sex is so normalized that we’re not just looking for sex anymore. We’re looking to connect with like-minded people… sapiosexuals, demisexuals, and many more are what turn us on. There’s a whole new art to pleasure, and we’re not settling.
#4. Prioritizing mental health
It’s no secret that relationships can bring out our anxiety, depression, and feelings of abandonment. Sometimes stepping away from it all can give some perspective.
We are more aware of our mental health than any other generation. This awareness allows us to recognize toxic behaviors in others and ourselves. It has even made walk away from relationships quite easy. to when need is and prompts us to go for therapy.
Gone are the days when the concept of two broken people makes a whole. Today we live by the mantra two whole people make a whole.
That means if you want a real relationship you have to work on yourself, you have to be aware of your traumas and triggers. You need to actively learn self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and self–love. You need therapy.
This shifts everything because in a culture where mental health was not a priority, now both men and women are learning to take responsibility for their own mental health.
If we don’t have the courage to know who we are and to love and accept ourselves for who we are we can never offer that kind of unconditional love to another.
#5. Prioritizing other types of connection
While many people are dedicated to finding a partner and starting a family, others are more dedicated to causes, ideologies, and politics. These are the people who believe they can change the world.
My colleague, Barbra, has dedicated her life to working on a cure for one of the deadliest viruses around. EBOLA. For her cause she decided to forgo marriage and having children. She spends her days understanding this virus and finding a way to save humanity. Through it all she’s well aware that a single mistake could cost her her life.
Rather than prioritizing romantic relationships, she prefers to connect with animals, hang out with friends, spend time at an orphanage and bond with nature. She is happy with her choice.
Conclusion
There are many reasons why one would decide to remain single. Each one is as valid as the next. In a society that forces up to partner up, it’s good to have a few rebels who’ve decided to play by their own rules. After all life is journey with different destinations. For some, their destination may lead them to a relationship; for others, it may not. Neither one is better than the other. So enjoy the ride.