I was no blushing bride, that’s for sure
Well, ladies, I hope you are enjoying my new jacuzzi. I want to raise a glass to all of you, thank you, you are my posse, my babes. And thank you for christening this wonderful hot tub with me and drinking — what, we’ve already put away five of these bottles of champagne? Jesus.
Yeah, Chrissy, maybe you should slow down. You’re starting to get loquacious.
Chrissy can’t stop talking when she’s tipsy! What will she confess to tonight?
Well, my sweethearts, I might bless you with my most decadent story of all, if you’re lucky. I might tell you the story of my wedding night.
Oh no, Chrissy, not that. Don’t.
Emily, I know you already know this story, as my oldest friend. But I think you other three girls, you never even knew I got married once, did you?
No! Married? You? When?
Well, it wasn’t a long marriage. It was a mistake. What can I say, I was 24 and quite stupid.
Don’t tell this story, Chrissy. Really!
Oh, Emily is worried that you guys are going to lose respect for me. Hush, Em, I’ll make them promise to keep this story a solemn secret, OK, does everybody pinkie swear? Alright. Here goes.
So, when I was a stripper and 19, I met this gazillionaire named Benjamin, and he was crazy about me and asked me to marry him all the time. Ha. And guess what — he was already married, of course.
But anyhow, about five years later I ran into him at this event. I was no longer a stripper, had gone to college, you know, I was a reformed girl. And Benjamin, he asked me out and told me he had gotten divorced and I was like, why not? Sure, maybe he’s forty years older than me — yes he was sixtysomething, I can’t even remember exactly how old — but he was a nice guy. Wasn’t he, Emily?
He was cool.
What really made it cool was, on that first date at this fancy restaurant, he told me the deal. He said if we became boyfriend and girlfriend I could cheat on him all I wanted. In fact, the more the better. That he had this affliction like he was attracted to a woman’s sluttiness. The sluttier the better. It didn’t make him jealous — it made him even hornier, he told me. It was like a disorder, I would call it.
Slutophilia.
Is that what it’s called? Well, I didn’t have a name for it back then.
“Hmm,” I said. “That might be an interesting deal.”
Well, it was interesting. I took advantage of Benny, I admit it. I got him to pay my rent, and I only had sex with him like once every two months. All the other times I was seeing other people. But whenever, you know, I needed anything, he was there. And one day he asked me to marry him and I said sure. I thought it would stay like that.
Anyhow, I didn’t invite anybody I knew to the wedding, like my relatives or anything. But Emily was there.
It was awesome.
Yeah, Benjamin spent a lot of money on it, at the Hotel Bel-Air, great place. You remember the dress, Em? Emily helped me pick it out. It was the sluttiest wedding dress ever. It was basically a white mini skirt.
Chrissy and her legs!
Yeah, I wanted to flaunt them that night. And it was great. I was so excited. And then when the guests started arriving, I saw this totally hot dude. He was like a second cousin on Benjamin’s side. He looked about my age, and so beefy and hot, you know, how I like ‘em?
Anyhow, I walked down the aisle with my maid of honor, here, Em. On my way down, you know what I was doing? I was flashing my legs at this guy in the second row, this hot young guy. And he smiles at me and I smile back at him — as I’m walking down the aisle!
So bad!
So then I get up to the altar thing they have set up there. Benjamin slipped the ring on my finger, the pastor pronounced us man and wife, and told him, “You may kiss the bride.”
As he came in for the kiss, my new husband saw me looking over at that hot guy in the second row.
“You’re kidding me?” he whispered to me.
“What?” I said. “He’s smoking hot, look at him.”
“Chrissy! On this of all nights. Don’t tell me!”
“Why not?” I said. “It will be the hottest wedding night ever. I’ll let you watch while he fucks me in the bridal suite. You can beat off in real-time.”
See, Benjamin used to beat off when I’d tell him about what I’d been doing when I’d get back from, you know, hooking up. But he had never actually watched me in action.
I could tell the idea appealed to him.
“That, my darling, would be the wedding night of my greatest fantasy, to be cuckolded by you in person. Here at this hotel. In our bridal suite. Perfect!”
He sighed deeply and gave me a deep, romantic kiss. Everybody cheered, they had no idea why he was so smitten with me at that moment — the cuckold.
So, Benjamin came over to dance the first dance with me, but I just walked right past him and went to where that hot guy was standing and pulled him onto the dance floor.
There were some shocked looks among the guests, that’s for sure. But I was really turned on. This guy’s name was Gerald. He was so yummy. Athletic. Built. Handsome. Square jaw. A bit daft.
The way you like ‘em!
Yep! The dafter the better! Anyhow, when it came time to remove the garter from my leg, Benjamin approached me, but I shook my head. And curled my finger at Gerald.
There was an audible gasp among the crowd. Then some derisive laughter.
Yeah, it was weird, Chrissy.
Oh, everybody is so conventional. I’ve never been bothered by conventional mores, you know that, Em. I ignored their laughter.
I put my leg up on this chair so my little mini dress pulled way up and I’m sure some people got a glimpse of my white virgin-bride panties.
Ha!!!
Then when Gerald reached up my thigh to grab the garter — well I had pushed it way up so he had to reach all the way up between my legs — and as he did I bit my lip like a porn star and I swear I saw every male in that place swallow hard, like gulp, including my new husband. I think he gulped the hardest and then everyone cheered when Gerald got the garter off. That’s when I gave Gerald our first smooch, just a quick one. But everyone stopped cheering then.
Cause it was too much, Chrissy!
I know, I know. But when I looked over at my new husband, Em, you saw it, he gave me two big thumbs up.
True. He did give you the double thumbs. But Chrissy, Benny was…
Shhh, don’t spoil, it Em. They’ll find out soon enough.
So, when it came time to cut the cake, Benjamin didn’t even bother trying to do it. Gerald took his place by my side, and we cut it together and shoved cake into each other’s mouths and laughed. People were really shaking their heads now.
But before too long everybody was drunk and forgot about how weird it was. Emily here got lucky with that football player from UCLA. It was one of those nights, there was sex in the air.
Go Bruins! Go Bruins! Good job Emily!
Thank you, thank you.
I was so excited as me and my new husband and Gerald headed up in the elevator to the bridal suite.
“Aren’t you going to carry me across the threshold,” I said to Gerald, when we got to the room door.
So this guy picked me up and walked me across the threshold while my husband stood there grinning. Honestly, he was so excited, that perv.
Alright, girls, I’m going to tell you what happened next, but I want to be sure that you listen to it with the correct attitude. And that’s going to mean…as I go through these sordid…um….details…every so often…we’re going to have to call HAND CHECK!
Hand check!
To make sure nobody is touching themselves under the bubbles of this lovely new jacuzzi. Because yes, there is some sexy stuff in this story, but it’s not being told for the purposes of titillation.
What other purpose is there?
(Laughter…)
So when we got in there I was finally able to give Gerald a proper smooch. And I swear it made me dizzy I was so hot for him. And then, I said, “Gerald, every guy at that party was staring at my legs in this short dress all night and they all wanted to pull up the dress and see this sweet ass. But you’re the one I picked, Gerald. So go ahead pull up my dress and enjoy it, baby.”
So he came behind me and he pulled my dress up and he put his hands on my ass.
“How do you like that, baby?” I asked him.
“Nice,” he said.
I did some stripper moves, you know shaking my ass around for him.
Show us, show us, show us!
Oh alright. I’ll get up here on the edge of the jacuzzi and show you. It’s pretty basic, you know, swirling your sweet ass in a circle like this.
Twerk it, bitch! Twerk it bitch!
I don’t think twerking had been invented yet. I just kind of swirled it around like this. Isn’t that sexy?
Yes!!! You still got it, Chrissy!
Well, that’s only because I exercise eight hours a day and eat only celery. So anyhow. I’m gonna get back in the water before one of you ladies loses your self-control.
So I said to Gerald, “Go ahead, take my dress all the way off. while my husband watches.”
Woo hoo!
Alright, calm down everybody.
But it was fucking hot. He unzipped the back of my dress, and it fell to the ground. And I’m standing there in my bra and panties, just staring at my husband. And thinking, shit, he’s my husband now. How weird. Then the guy unstrapped my bra, and it fell to the floor.
Yowza!
And he started feeling my breasts from behind, you know, and Benjamin had a big grin plastered on his face, staring back at me. And I know, this is so pathetic. But I’m like, “Do you think I’m hot, Gerald? Tell my husband how sexy I am and how lucky he is to have me as a wife.”
So needy! Pathetic!
I know, right?
So he’s like, “Oh, man Uncle Benny, your wife has such smooth, soft skin I can’t believe it.”
That’s what all the cousins and second cousins called him, Uncle Benny. He wasn’t really their uncle, but he was rich and older than them, so I guess that’s why they did it.
“Oh Uncle Benny, there’s not a hair on her skin. It’s amazing. Uncle Benny, your wife is so fucking sexy and beautiful and my dick is so hard right now, just feeling her tits and pressing into her from behind. I can’t believe how hot her ass is. Thank you, Uncle Benny, for letting me touch your bride like this. It’s awesome.”
“Why don’t you take her panties down?” Benjamin suggested.
Yes! Yes! Panties down! Panties down!
You guys! Quiet down! I’ve got neighbors, you know!
So he slid my panties off and he’s still behind me, and I’m staring right at my husband. I felt so naked, you know, I loved it! I’m tingling all over. And you should see the smile on my husband’s face. He’s like the happiest man alive, as this stranger puts his hand around and starts touching my pussy.
Rub that clit baby! Rub it!
“Oh God, Benny, he’s making me so wet,” I breathed, in my breathiest possible voice, just like this. And I saw Benjamin’s little dick pop out of his pants then, as he was jerking off and watching this guy rub my clit and HAND CHECK!
Peels of laughter!!!
You girls are bad! Get your hands in the air as I tell this story. This is a triumph of the human spirit story, it’s not porno. Now listen.
“Oh Benny,” I said. “I think I must have made a mistake marrying you, because look, I’m naked with another man and he’s got his hands all over my body and I’m so wet and I’m loving it and I really should be with you and it should be your hands all over my body.”
“No, darling,” he said. “It’s perfect like this, trust me. Perfect!”
Anyhow, so then Gerald takes all his clothes off and we’re making out lying down on the bed and I’m just in awe of his sexy naked body, I’m like, “Oh Benny, look at these pecs, isn’t he gorgeous, if only you had pecs like this. I mean Benny, you have wrinkly man boobs for chrissakes.”
Ooh that’s cruel! Bodyshaming your husband!
No, he loved it.
“More darling, more,” he said.
I started licking Gerald’s ripped biceps. The guy had big veiny guns, you know.
“Oh Benny, don’t arm wrestle this guy, I’m telling you he’d pull that little twig arm you have right off your shoulder.”
“More!” Benjamin encouraged me.
“And look at these abs,” I said. “They’re right where you have that little potato sack on your belly. What happened to your little potato sack, Gerald?
“The gym!” he said, proudly.
“Oh, I just want to lick his six-pack.”
“Go ahead my darling wife, lick his six-pack all you like,” my husband said.
So I’m licking Gerald’s belly and I’ve got my hand on his big hard cock and since I’m already down there, I’m like, “Benny, would you mind if I sucked this nice cock a bit.”
Yes! Suck it! Suck it Chrissy! Suck it!
“I mean it is our wedding night and I really should be sucking your cock, but look at this cock, compared to your shriveled up old thing.”
“Darling, you go ahead and suck it,” he said. “I’ll take care of this shriveled up old thing.”
I look over there and I see he’s got his tuxedo pants at his heels and he’s beating off his old limp dick. Meanwhile, I’ve got my mouth on this rock hard young stud’s pecker, it couldn’t have been more of a contrast, you know.
I could hear Gerald getting really excited as I sucked his dick and I guess Benjamin got a little worried that he was going to blow his top before the main event.
“Careful, darling, you don’t want to bring him off just yet, now, do you?”
So I stop sucking his dick and I say, “Benny, I know you are my husband now, and I feel just terrible about this, but my pussy really wants that big pecker inside it. I’m so sorry.”
“If that’s what your pussy wants, darling, then that’s what your pussy should have.”
“But isn’t it wrong? So wrong? I mean I just promised to be your faithful wife. Wouldn’t it be an abomination to do such a thing, and on my wedding night!”
“Yes!” he exclaimed gleefully. “A total abomination. Do it!”
Abom-in-ation! Abom-in-ation! Abom-in-ation!
Hush, you guys! I told you, the neighbors!
“Well, we’ve come this far,” I said. “We might as well go all the way, eh Gerald?”
“Yes,” he said. “All the way!”
All the way, all the way, all the way!
So I positioned Gerald so as I sat on top of him Benjamin could see my face. I put that cock up to my pussy. I looked over at Benjamin.
“Are you sure, honey?”
He gave me the double thumbs up again.
Double thumbs up! Double thumbs up!
So I sat down on that big pecker.
“Slowly, now, Gerald,” I said. “Because I’m extremely tight.”
Oh, there she goes, bragging about her pussy again!
Hey, what can I say. I’m short. Short girls have tight pussies. Anyhow, Gerald, he was like, “Oh my God, Uncle Benny! She is so tight! I don’t think I can get it in, it’s too tight.”
“Just be patient, it loosens up, trust me.”
Loosen it up! Loosen it up!
So gradually I eased down on him and got him all the way in. And I was staring right at my husband’s happy face as I felt it filling me up, I mean all the way up!
Fill er up! Fill er up!
So I said to Benjamin, all breathy and sexy, you know, “You like seeing me get fucked like this, huh?”
“Oh, darling you have no idea,” he said.
“I like you watching me,” I breathed. “It makes me feel sexy.”
“There’s nobody sexier than you, Chrissy, nobody in the world.”
Gerald is really moaning now and I’m fucking him faster and harder and feeling so good and suddenly as I felt my orgasm starting to coil up inside me, you know, the first stirrings, I felt really emotional.
She’s gonna cum! She’s gonna cum!
You guys! Hush! Now listen.
“Oh my darling husband,” I said. “I’ve dreamed of my wedding night since I was a little girl, but I never dreamed it could be as good as this. Cause he’s fucking me so good, baby. He’s really hitting the spot, you know. And seeing you there, my love, I love you so much, come up here, come up here and kiss me as I cum. Benny! Now. Hurry!”
Hurry! Hurry!
Benjamin came up with his pants around his heels and he put his mouth on mine.
“I love you, I love you so much,” I said, as I had the biggest orgasm, and I heard Gerald let out a shout, and I felt him shooting in me. And I looked down and saw Benjamin was wanking that old shriveled up willie to a climax too, and we all came together. Benjamin just a little dribble of course. Gerald shot like a pint of studly cum into me, I was just dripping. And I came for like a full minute, just one long scream, “Ahhhhh!”
And when the screaming stopped, and we were all collapsed on the bed together, that’s when we heard the pounding on the door.
They were looking for Gerald. His parents were worried, they thought he had gone missing, they were going to call the cops, then someone told them that they saw him going upstairs with us. And now they were outside the door demanding that we let their son out of that viper pit, you know.
I found out later he was only 19. I thought he was older. But anyhow, by the time we got back from our honeymoon the party was over. Benjamin’s adult kids — they were like ten years older than me — had gotten him declared incompetent or something. The marriage was annulled and they got a restraining order against me and even threatened to charge me with elder abuse if I ever tried to see him again.
It was about money, of course. They were worried about me stealing their inheritance or some shit.
Turns out Benjamin had already been diagnosed with terminal cancer when we got “married.” I had no idea. But these kids, they had their hands on all the cash now. So they stuck him in this hospice place and they started draining his bank accounts. So I would go out there once a week and visit him. Emily would come sometimes.
It was sad.
Yeah, it was a nice place in the valley. But the people there, they told me none of his kids ever came to visit. We would tell him dirty stories to cheer him up. He declined pretty rapidly. The last time I saw him he was so skinny.
“I lost the potato sack on my belly,” he said with a big grin and he showed me how skinny he was.
I just started bawling and Emily had to just about carry me out of there.
They didn’t want me at the funeral, though. They told me they would have me arrested if I showed up. They were all freaked out now, because of course, Benjamin had written a will giving me all his property. They got that disqualified. I didn’t care. I had my own property by this point. I had bought my first rental in Los Angeles and I was doing fine. I didn’t need his money.
Chrissy, you’re crying.
I’m sorry guys! It’s nothing. He was a sweet old guy, that’s all. Maybe I did take advantage of him, I don’t know. Like I said, I was young and stupid.
Weren’t we all? We all did stupid things, Chrissy.
I know, I know.
Anyhow. So now you know. That’s the story of my wedding night. I hope you enjoyed it, but remember our pinkie swear and don’t tell anybody. It’s our secret, okay?
(Drying eyes)
Oh my gosh, we’ve been in this jacuzzi so long my fingers are shriveling up.
Alright! Who wants some more champagne? Let’s keep this party going!!!