Here’s the post in question, documented by twitter user @punished_cait.
Before going any further, and keeping all the above in mind, I must ask you to then listen to the song in question, Cbat by Hudson Mohawke.
If you’re anything like every other sex-literate person on the internet, what will immediately result is a brow-furrowing attempt to imagine a sexual rhythm that would match the meandering, wonky tempo of this song. Making the assumption, which I think is fair, that the movements would be in time with the bass drum kicks, you’re left with a spasmic flurry of jabs and straights that probably make you feel like the speed bag at a Planet Fitness.
Here is, almost immediately, where we realize Tyler’s most basic misunderstanding of the issue at hand. Tyler’s post makes it clear that he thinks that the great divide happening between him and his girlfriend is centered around the quality and listenability of the actual music. Based on audio alone, it might still be a little bit strange as a sex jam, but the song in question is popular, and a bonafide earworm, so it’s excusable. What IS a problem is having sex with your girlfriend with the consistency of a malfunctioning roman candle.
Let’s further break down some of the worst individual bits of the post, purely for academic discussion.
“My (20F) girlfriend of two years told me the music that I (25M)”
Ok, you’re immediately starting off on the wrong foot here, Tyler. This age gap described as a mini word problem is not going to garner you any sympathy in the first place. A five year gap in age between two romantic partners isn’t untoward by itself, as long as five years is more than 25 percent of the age of one of the people in question. 35 and 40? A charming couple! A 23 year old who’s two years out of college dating an 18 year old that’s possibly still waiting on their acceptance letter? Not so great! Where’d you take her on the first date? A hookah bar?
Yahoo Answers/Internet Infamy