"Tell Me What You Want" by Justin Lehmiller is a book based on the largest-ever survey of Americans’ sexual fantasies—over 4,000 people participated. Here’s a summary in a Lehmiller-esque style:

The book explores the wide range of sexual fantasies people have, showing that sexual desire is far more diverse and complex than most realize. Lehmiller finds that nearly everyone has taboo or “secret” desires, and that most fantasies are surprisingly common. He categorizes fantasies into broad themes like group sex, novelty/adventure, taboo activities, BDSM, and same-sex experiences.

Lehmiller delves into why we fantasize what we do, weaving in psychological theories and research. He reveals that our fantasies are shaped by our personalities, experiences, and even our attachment styles. The message is that having diverse or taboo fantasies is completely normal, and when explored safely and consensually, they can enrich our relationships and self-understanding.

Ultimately, the book encourages open, judgment-free conversations about desire and normalizes the variety in our erotic imaginations. The core takeaway is: everyone is unique in what they want, but we’re far from alone in our desires.

Let me know if you want a more detailed or chapter-by-chapter summary!

There are no complete, official chapter-by-chapter summaries of Justin Lehmiller’s "Tell Me What You Want" available in the search results. However, based on detailed reviews and overviews from multiple sources, here is a breakdown of the main topics likely covered in the book, presented in a logical chapter-style structure:

1. Introduction to Sexual Fantasies
   Lehmiller introduces the concept of sexual fantasy and distinguishes it from sexual desire. He explains the methodology behind his large-scale survey of over 4,000 Americans and sets the tone for a sex-positive discussion throughout the book45.

2. Universality and Frequency of Fantasies
   The book reveals that nearly everyone has sexual fantasies, and they are more frequent and common than most people realize15.

3. The Most Common Fantasies in America
   Lehmiller categorizes fantasies by theme, identifying group sex, BDSM, novelty/adventure, and taboo experiences as the most common. He uses statistical data and demographic breakdowns to illustrate these patterns15.

4. Why We Fantasize
   This section discusses psychological theories explaining the roots of our fantasies, including the influence of personality, history, culture, and attachment styles25.

5. Demographics and Diversity in Desire
   Analysis of how age, gender, relationship status, sexual orientation, and other demographic factors shape the kinds of fantasies people have, as well as variations between individuals5.

6. Taboo Fantasies and Stigma
   Lehmiller addresses fantasies considered “taboo” or unconventional, and examines why these are common, normalizing them through research data. He emphasizes destigmatizing erotic imagination5.

7. Communication and Relationships
   The book encourages open discussion of fantasies between partners, showing how healthy communication about desire can improve intimacy and relationship satisfaction5.

8. Practical Guidance and Safe Exploration
   Advice on how to approach sexual fantasies in real life, including issues of consent, negotiation, and safety. Lehmiller provides practical suggestions for integrating fantasies in a way that strengthens relationships5.

9. Limitations, Critiques, and Areas for Future Research
   Some chapters touch on the book’s limitations, such as focusing mainly on cisgender, heterosexual experiences, and call for more inclusion of queer and diverse perspectives51.

10. Conclusion: Embracing Diversity in Desire
    Lehmiller concludes with a message of acceptance: everyone’s fantasies are unique, but no one is truly alone in what they want. Open, judgment-free conversations improve personal fulfillment and relationship quality25.

Important caveats:

• These chapter topics are inferred from recurring themes across multiple in-depth reviews and book discussions; exact chapter organization may differ in the book itself.

• Some reviewers note the book primarily focuses on heterosexual and cisgender experiences, with less detailed discussion of queer identities and relationships15.

• For precise chapter titles and content, consulting the book’s table of contents or a full reading would be necessary.

If you need a deeper or more detailed summary of a particular chapter or theme, let me know!